my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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