your thong is hanging out like whoa
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
