fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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