You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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