I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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