Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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