Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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