I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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