Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
