Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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