How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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