I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
