I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
