Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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