So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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