I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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