just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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