Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
