Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
