i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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