I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
