Don't make out with my wife yet
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
