I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize