Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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