i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
