I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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