we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
