i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
