you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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