She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Everclear isn't food dammit
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
