Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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