exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
