He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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