Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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