Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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