You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
