i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
