I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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