so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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