Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
