I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
