i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
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Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
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Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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