why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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