U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
