Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
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Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
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The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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