I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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