did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
