Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
