My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
