I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
