sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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