Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
