shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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