I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We had to coat check the pizza.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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