i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
