I wish I only lived at night.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm getting married
To pizza
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
