She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
