Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
