i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just want nice things and good sex
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It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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