she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
