I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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