White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
