You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
