So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I cannot find my penis.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
