If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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