We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
