I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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