I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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