Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
