I just cut my nipple shaving
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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